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A Joke For Today

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jamie jackson, Jan 17, 2015.

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  1. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 9, 2020
    #1921
    kool69, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 2 others like this.
  2. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    An elderly lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, then sat on the chair and and spread her legs.

    The dentist said, " Ma'am, I think you have the wrong room. "

    " You're the one who put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. " And now I'm afraid you have to take them out ! "
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 9, 2020
    #1922
    kool69, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 3 others like this.
  3. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 9, 2020
    #1923
    kool69, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 3 others like this.
  4. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Last edited: May 10, 2020
    Insp Gadget, May 10, 2020
    #1924
    kool69, Brutus58, slisse and 2 others like this.
  5. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    A Times New Roman and a Helvetica walk into a bar.

    " Get outta here !! " shouts the bartender. " We don't serve your type in here ! "
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    Insp Gadget, May 11, 2020
    #1925
    Brutus58, slisse and londonboy49 like this.
  6. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    One time, my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

    Then for days afterwards, he kept leaving little messages around the house.
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 11, 2020
    #1926
    curiousFred, Brutus58, slisse and 2 others like this.
  7. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    " What's your favourite thing about Switzerland ? "

    " Well for starters, their flag is a big plus ! "
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    Insp Gadget, May 11, 2020
    #1927
    Brutus58, slisse, londonboy49 and 1 other person like this.
  8. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 11, 2020
    #1928
    kool69, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 2 others like this.
  9. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 11, 2020
    #1929
    Dane, kool69, curiousFred and 4 others like this.
  10. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    Nice one .... I'm a retired printer so understand it :D
     
    londonboy49, May 11, 2020
    #1930
    Insp Gadget likes this.
  11. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    You know those sea-shells that adorn the mermaids breasts in the movies ?

    They get to wear them when they've outgrown their B-shells !


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    Insp Gadget, May 12, 2020
    #1931
    Brutus58, slisse and oldman681 like this.
  12. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it ?

    Short.
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    Insp Gadget, May 12, 2020
    #1932
    Djole, Brutus58, slisse and 1 other person like this.
  13. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    I’m lucky that my wife and mother are very close. I realized just how close the time I drove my mother to her doctor, which my wife usually does.
    When the doctor came into the room, my own dear mother introduced me as her “daughter-in-law’s husband.”
     
    slisse, May 15, 2020
    #1933
    Djole, Brutus58, Insp Gadget and 1 other person like this.
  14. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
     
    slisse, May 16, 2020
    #1934
    Dane, oldman681 and Insp Gadget like this.
  15. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 16, 2020
    #1935
    Dane, Brutus58, oldman681 and 3 others like this.
  16. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    A small boy had swallowed some coins, and was taken to the hospital.

    When his mother called later to see how he was doing, the nurse informed her, " No change yet ! "
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    Insp Gadget, May 19, 2020
    #1936
    Brutus58, slisse and oldman681 like this.
  17. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    Logic: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”


    Humor: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
     
    slisse, May 19, 2020
    #1937
    Brutus58 and Insp Gadget like this.
  18. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 19, 2020
    #1938
    Dane, Brutus58 and slisse like this.
  19. shotwic

    shotwic Trusted Member

    I gave away all of my old batteries today...free of charge!
     
    shotwic, May 19, 2020
    #1939
    Dane, Insp Gadget, Brutus58 and 2 others like this.
  20. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Insp Gadget, May 22, 2020
    #1940
    slisse, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
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