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A Joke For Today

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jamie jackson, Jan 17, 2015.

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  1. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    [​IMG] ​
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    Insp Gadget, May 22, 2020
    #1941
    slisse, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  2. curiousFred

    curiousFred Trusted.Member

    Young lady travelling on a tram, opposite her sits a bloke with his fly undone, she tells him
    and he asks her whether she saw the Rolls Royce, no,no she replied, all I saw was a Mini Minor with four flat tyres.
     
    curiousFred, May 23, 2020
    #1942
    slisse, Brutus58, oldman681 and 2 others like this.
  3. curiousFred

    curiousFred Trusted.Member

    What is the difference between a woman and a battery ?
    A battery has a positive side.
     
    curiousFred, May 23, 2020
    #1943
    slisse, Brutus58, oldman681 and 2 others like this.
  4. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    My wife used to get really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

    So one day I just packed up my stuff and right.
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 24, 2020
    #1944
    slisse, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  5. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    How do you make Holy Water? You boil the Hell out of it.
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 24, 2020
    #1945
    slisse, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  6. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    I've been reading a really interesting book about anti-gravity - it's just impossible to put down !
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 24, 2020
    #1946
    slisse, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  7. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

    [​IMG] ​
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    Insp Gadget, May 24, 2020
    #1947
    slisse, curiousFred, itshot and 2 others like this.
  8. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    [​IMG] ​
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    Insp Gadget, May 24, 2020
    #1948
    slisse, curiousFred, itshot and 2 others like this.
  9. Brutus58

    Brutus58 Trusted.Member

    Or was it RIGHT.
     
    Brutus58, May 25, 2020
    #1949
    slisse, curiousFred, Insp Gadget and 1 other person like this.
  10. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

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    Insp Gadget, May 25, 2020
    #1950
    leftout4, itshot, slisse and 3 others like this.
  11. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    [​IMG]
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    Insp Gadget, May 25, 2020
    #1951
    slisse, curiousFred and Brutus58 like this.
  12. curiousFred

    curiousFred Trusted.Member

    Why are men equipped with a mouth and a penis ?

    So they can piss and moan at the same time.
     
    curiousFred, May 26, 2020
    #1952
    leftout4, itshot, Brutus58 and 2 others like this.
  13. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.

    Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too.”
     
    slisse, May 26, 2020
    #1953
    itshot, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 2 others like this.
  14. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

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    Well I just got booted from another game show.

    The category was History and the question was - " Who won the first Tour de France ? "

    Apparently the 5th Panzer Division wasn't the right answer.
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 26, 2020
    #1954
    leftout4, Dane, itshot and 4 others like this.
  15. curiousFred

    curiousFred Trusted.Member

    That is fucking hilarious, thanks for that.
     
    curiousFred, May 27, 2020
    #1955
    Brutus58, itshot and Insp Gadget like this.
  16. curiousFred

    curiousFred Trusted.Member

    Why are the roads in France lined with trees ?
    So the German soldiers can march in the shade.
     
    curiousFred, May 27, 2020
    #1956
    leftout4, Brutus58, itshot and 3 others like this.
  17. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

    ​
    [​IMG] ​
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, May 27, 2020
    #1957
    curiousFred, Brutus58, slisse and 2 others like this.
  18. Zarp

    Zarp Trusted.Member

    sounds like something I was told by my mom growing up lol. “If you cut yourself with that knife I am going to spank you before I take you to the doctor.”
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2020
    Zarp, May 27, 2020
    #1958
    curiousFred and Brutus58 like this.
  19. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited over three other female friends as well and didn’t tell his mom which one he intended to marry.

    After the four women left, he asked his mother, "Can you guess which one I want to marry?"

    "The one with short hair."

    "Yes! How’d you know?"

    "Because that’s the one I didn’t like."
     
    slisse, May 28, 2020
    #1959
    curiousFred, oldman681, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  20. Brutus58

    Brutus58 Trusted.Member

    My mom would not ever bother with saying that, she would just smack me. Wouldn't bother with the doctor either.
     
    Brutus58, May 28, 2020
    #1960
    kool69, curiousFred and Zarp like this.
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