What is your opinion about relationships with a large age difference?

I think that what happens after death for those who remain in this world perhaps has a much greater relationship with what has been lived in the stages prior to a person's illness than with the moments that will appear after that person's absence. When you have lived beautiful moments with that person, you have given them all the love you could give them, you have never held back a kiss or a hug, it is easier to rebuild in the loneliness of a future with the acceptance of that inevitable moment and move on with life.

Obviously every absence is painful, losing a person who has always been in our lives, who is a character and an attitude that is our daily life is a great effort to restart your whole world in their forced absence. In the case of an illness that is prolonged over time, the physical and mental exhaustion of the caregiver may be a burden that the person may not be able to assume once the sad event has occurred, but also the preparation for this inevitable event may have more superficial consequences, much more bearable than in the case of a death that is more unexpected.

On a more personal level, I have only come into close contact with death on two occasions. The first was with my grandfather, a pillar in my life since ever, the essence of unconditional love and boundless protection. There was no romantic love but an infinite love for his granddaughter that was equally reciprocated. My grandmother was with him at all times, she forgot about herself and focused on taking care of him and making the last months of his life as pleasant as possible. A time of mourning passed, but with the consolation of knowing that there was nothing more, from a human point of view, she could do for her husband. Over time she opened herself up to new activities, trips, dances, dinners with friends, and even on occasion she received proposals for romantic relationships, proposals that she elegantly rejected, always with the same answer, "there has only been one man in my life, he is no longer with me, but I will continue to love him until the last second of my life". Today my grandmother grows old enjoying her family and friends, enjoying everyday life, simple things like a trip with her friends or a family meal, but still her heart is devoted to one man.

My second experience was with a girl friend who when they discovered the cancer eating away at her it was too late, an unstoppable metastasis. Her disease devoured her vitality, her body and her whole future and day by day we saw how her activities were limited, but what cancer never stole from her was the smile in her eyes, a smile she never lost when her hair fell out due to chemotherapy or her young body was reduced to a wheelchair. During the funeral, her parents saw me crying and said to me: "don't cry, Laura already knows what the face of God looks like". For her parents that was the comfort to go on after such infinite pain as parents burying a daughter. For my part, my consolation was the last request, she wanted me to record with my mobile phone one of my sunrises over the Mediterranean Sea that she could no longer see because she was in bed and when she saw that recording, she smiled, hugged me and said in my ear "don't cry for me, live for me. I will always be with you, I will take care of you". A few days later he died. All the friends gathered on the beach, with candles and we fulfilled his last wish, to listen to "Farewell to life" from "Tosca" on the beach.

I do not believe in the cold explanation of science that everything ends with death, but neither am I a religious person or a believer. I don't know what will happen to evil people, I don't know what awaits them after death, but I do like to think that those who have been good and kind people are allowed the privilege of remaining in this world caring for and protecting those who have loved and cared for them.

It happens to me, sometimes I come home and in the air floats that scent of my grandfather's strong, manly, very masculine cologne, as if I had just finished being at home a few seconds ago. On other occasions I look out of the window at home and see Laura getting her feet wet in this Mediterranean sea that she loved with the same intensity as me, she raises her eyes, smiles at me and waves. On many occasions, the very person who ends their journey in this world is the one who gives you the strength you need to carry on in this life when that person is no longer here.

The death of a person is the end, but it should not be the end for the one who remains in this world, if you have really loved another human being, if you have taken care of him, if you have given yourself just to make his last moments pleasant, it is like being at peace with that person. Life goes on, I will keep your memory, I will pay homage to our past, I will never forget you, but also now I have a life to live. Our lives are like sections of a whole that form a whole and death closes one of those sections, but there is also a whole to be lived and enjoyed. The most important thing is to do everything possible to close that section knowing that this person has always been more important than ourselves and to move on in Life knowing that this person is with us even if not physically.

 

Personally, it is a subject that has never bothered me too much. I am indifferent to the opinion that my relationship is dirty and perverse. I have always refused to define my relationship with mom as abnormal, because for me it is not. I prefer to differentiate between a regular relationship and a non-regular relationship and I admit that my relationship is regular. I also refuse to define my relationship with mom as exclusively incest, because that definition implies a superficial physical relationship, when there is a sincere, pure and intense love between mom and me.

 

Mim zdaniem wiek to tylko liczba, ale potrafi dodać pikanterii


Age, in my opinion, is just a number, but it can add spice [Mod translated]

 

THIS IS FANTASTIC!!

 

Agree, I like older guys but it depends on their personality and attitude as well

 

I think it is very situational tbh, in some instances the age difference could impose a power imbalance, and in others its not a problem.

 

I think it's incumbent on the person in a potential position of power to address that imbalance, either by removing it or balancing it situationally by giving power to the other. There are many forms of power other than those created by age and for some that may be an essential element of their play

 

In a regular relationship between two people with an age difference I think that the fact of being a couple establishes equality, there is no power grab by one of the parties, because the fact of being a couple already carries in itself equality.

In a non-regular relationship with a family member and a significant age difference, the issue is very different. I think that on a general level and in my particular case, a distinction must be made between two completely different moments. Taking my personal relationship as an example, the responsibility of both parties is to know when to be a partner and when to be a mother or daughter. When you are in a couple relationship both situations can be confused and that is the problem, because both roles are implicit in the same relationship.

On many occasions it is important to feel the equality of a couple, that both parties have open communication and equal conditions to make the small or big daily decisions that life as a couple entails, because in this way you feel your independence in being able to express your ideas and the respect of the other person towards them. But, at other times, you need the experience and help not from an older person, but from a mother who will always give you the best advice, overcoming the selfishness of her feelings as a couple.

As long as both roles are not confused, this couple has a lot of future in this relationship, because we all have needs, we need to feel respected, we have a value in the eyes of the other person, even if our ideas lack the experience of the years they are equally studied and that all this dialogue is also a form of communication and learning in life. From our inexperience as young people, we like to feel that we also collaborate day by day in the growth and stability, in future projects, with our older partner.

We are not only the sexual whim of an older relative, we also have a brain and a heart and feelings and dreams and illusions.

 

To be clear, I don't necessarily think that the age difference in isolation creates any sort of power imbalance. That's why i think it's situational, an older person usually has more experience, probably more opportunity to garner material wealth, status and power in society than a younger person. At the same time those factors being at play do not necessarily have to affect a relationship. Relationships that are based on mutual love, care and respect for the other exist indifferently of age.

 

Absolutely agree.

 

Totaly agree I dont think you had forgoten that she is and still your mom for ever!! The miracle is that ypour love for each other is more than just mom:/daughter!! I stil think you are in a wonder and respect all what you stand for

 

Depends are we talking about an 18 year old with a 40 year old, or a 40 year old with a 62 year old

One of these is fine, and the other is not, a 40 year old should not be dating an 18 year old.

 

FUTAISE, ridiculous, there is no contraindication except moralizing spirits, Sorry I dont agree with you!! Why is immoral for a 40y to have relation with 18!! what ever dating or incest!! sorry we haven't the same pont of view and we dont use the same camera to fixe the pic!! LOL

 

As long as they're adults, I see no issues either way, or even between 62 and 18, as long as their relationship is healthy and happy.

 

[edit]

And if you think, 18 and 40 is the same, you need help.

 

I'm not insulted. I have a different opinion but never said you weren't entitled to yours.

... And snowflakes are beautiful and unique products of the harsh environments they form in. I take no offence at being called a snowflake either.

Also. I HAVE help. Do you?

 

Before you go calling people names you should look in the mirror. You are no arbiter of what does or doesn't work for people, or judge of people's relationships. There is no One Twue Way in life, and that should be all the more apparent on this forum, where living outside the mold is the rule, not the exception.

I have had mostly age-gap relationships -- the 22-year gap you so deplore would be minimal for me -- over most of my adult life, and they often have proven to be the most satisfying and intense relationships. Neither you nor anyone else can tell me, or those who choose to be involved with me, what works for us. And if you're trying to apply some "moral" standard, please save it for yourself and don't try to impose it on anyone else.

 

I agree, in half, with Galusha.

An 18 yo, DATING a 40 yo could be ok. As long as the 40 yo is not trying to push the 18 yo into marriage.

There can be a lot of good and fun to be had by both, and a commitment to each other for a long length of time can be warranted.

But for an 18 or 19 yo to marry a 40 or 41 yo, I feel, is an older "matured" adult taking advantage over a younger adult.

I don't think an 18 yo should be getting married, even to another 18 yo. Chances of divorce are much higher when one
marries when they just aged into adulthood.

 

My wife has always liked older men, well to be honest ALL MEN , but has dated several men 20-30 years older and really loved it. I'm sure it can be challenging though as life experiences can be much different, although sometimes people are timeless and just click too!