What is your opinion about relationships with a large age difference?

Athenea, my position and opinion is closer to Odette's than to yours, for the simple reason that she is the person that my heart, freely and by choice, chose to be mom. I like to have her advice and concern not only as a partner, but also as a mother in those moments when life can be a stormy sea without knowing which destination to choose and I know for sure that mom will always be my safe and protective harbour, where I can stay away from that storm. Her outlook on life is consistent with her age and responsibilities and I like the freedom I have to live my life at my own pace that is in keeping with my age, but knowing that I will always, when necessary, have her complete dedication as a mother, as a partner and as a doctor at my disposal, I cannot ask for more from Life. For all that she is to me, Mom only needs to look into my eyes for a second and she knows exactly what is inside me.

Obviously there is always one person who has the power, in my case it is mom and I don't think this fact is a problem. It wouldn't make sense for me, having less experience, fewer years of life and always enjoying all my days with great nonchalance, to try to match her responsibilities and experience, that personality and character that evolves over the years towards maturity. When one of the parties has the power, there is nothing negative, the problem is when that person does not know how to make use of that power, because that is when problems arise.

Mom exercises her power only when necessary and not in a continuous and dictatorial way, which would be overwhelming and abusive. Personally, I have a lot of freedom in my life, a product of denigrating mom who can have blind trust in me, because it is with that freedom, with the mistakes I may make, that learning takes place. But there are times when the situation overwhelms me in such a way that I need a hug and advice and mom , not my partner, is always by my side at those times.

I think that in a relationship between family members with a significant age gap, pretending to have the same degree of power is absurd, because it confuses the different roles that should be played and respected when trying to have a future together. It is important that mom can differentiate when I am her partner and when I am her daughter and it is my responsibility to differentiate when she is my mother and when she is my partner. As a mother she deserves all my respect and attention, as a partner she also deserves my respect and attention, but everything is different, fun and naughty.

Not confusing the two roles is the essence of a triumphant love relationship between family members that has to overcome every day continuous limitations and the restraint of public acts that can be excessively conspicuous, although as mother and daughter our public displays of affection are more socially accepted. In a physical relationship it is much simpler to have casual sex and then move on. But in a loving relationship, with daily cohabitation, the continuous involvement, small decisions and big responsibilities are much greater and it is very essential to differentiate roles at all times.

This is the most important quality if a loving relationship between family members is to have a common future that is crowned with success.

It is true that it is a problem to impose points of view, because we are grown up and impositions by force and dictatorships by abuse, even if they are dressed in the garb of love, are not acceptable, which is why the person in power must know how to explain the reasons for a decision and the other party must be receptive to these explanations, initiating an interesting dialogue that will be very instructive for both parties and will strengthen their relationship. In my particular case, Mom does not abuse her power, she always explains to me the motivations and thoughts that have led her to a particular decision, and at the same time she has a sincere interest in listening to my reasoning about the same situation.

On reflection, mom has only once exercised her power in a very authoritarian and extremely dictatorial way. She made a decision without dialogue and imposed it with the full force of her power as a mother. Some time ago one night I came home drunk and the next morning mom said to me:

- I understand that you are in a phase of your life where you want to try new things. There is no problem if you try it just once. Yesterday you know what a binge is, but if you get drunk again, you will lose a lot of your privileges and all my trust. Your life in this house will change and you won't like those changes.

He said these words to me without anger, without shouting, in a very calm tone of voice and looking me straight in the eye. He didn't admit any reply from me, he imposed silence on me. That was my first and last drunkenness. My favourite drink is always cold water.

For all that I have said, my vote, it could not be otherwise, is for relationships with a large age gap, because they bring two very different visions to the same problem, as long as they respect the rhythm of life appropriate for each age.

 

What a wonderfull!! all my respects and conciderations,

 

I'm speechless, what more can I say? Thank you for this life lesson!! You have absolute clairvoyance, proof that age should not be an obstacle when souls come together ...............

 

Age difference is hot for sex but maybe not for an actual relationship. but some people can make it work so its their choice

 

This clearly supports my contention that the biggest source of discord in relationships is the lack of a clear line of authority. Someone, in any relationship, needs to be the final arbiter of things, and if that's the older person in an age-gap relationship, that is perfectly natural and in the order of most such relationships. Ceding that authority to the partner with less experience, judgment, and "wisdom" (for lack of a better word) is a recipe for disaster, as is the failure of either party to recognize and accept their respective positions in the relationship. Authority imposes certain responsibilities on the person in that position, just as accepting that authority imposes responsibilities on the person not in that position. @Star_of_sea's description of her relationship with her mother provides an excellent example of how this exercise and acceptance of authority can work and provide a key element of stability to the relationship.

 

Again, every relationship is different. Your relationship with your sister is unique in its own way.

In the beginning, she was lost and you had the strength, and so you took the responsibility of assuming the leadership role in the relationship. It clearly was the right thing to do, and I imagine you felt you had no choice but to do it, if you were to help your sister through whatever crisis she was facing.

Later, as your sister was able to find her footing, you didn't have to be such an authority figure. So the relationship, from your description, seems to have evolved into a more consultative one, where you both contribute to both the decisions and the outcomes, and you both seem to be enjoying that. What remains unknown is how your relationship will evolve, and how you'll deal with a crisis or more serious demands, should they arise. While I endorse consultation, even when there is a clear authority, I think at that point one or the other of you -- likely you -- will need to assume that role as authority for the relationship again, or risk things falling apart.

None of us can predict the future, but that's how I see it based on years of experience (no, not pulling age rank -- just sayin'!)

 

Thank you for your very kind words. And kisses are always welcomed, and returned.

Authority and power are demanding. Anyone who thinks otherwise has never been in such a position. You clearly took your role seriously and, happily, you had a good outcome. People often shy away from taking control of a situation and making hard decisions, but you didn't. I admire that, and further admire how you exercised your authority with discretion and caring, to the benefit of your sister.

 

In this particular case I would say that my differences with you are only partial, not total. In my opinion, accepting that your age difference is only three years, I also think that there is another essential element and that is the maturity of your sister and yourself. Your sister is the same age as me and I understand her way of life, that balance between having a maturity that you admire in your partner, you want to offer her the same maturity but at the same time you feel that your daily life, your friends, your personal circumstances push you to a life of less responsibility, with more fun and partying. Just as you admire your partner for his or her maturity, you also want to offer that same maturity, because you are afraid that if you don't reciprocate, he or she might get bored, but age pushes you to another lifestyle.

As you have also said, there is your maturity imposed by force by the circumstances you have had to live through, but also by your decision to take control of a situation without control and stop the free fall your sister was in, a free fall that was heading towards a point of no return or solution and that you were able not only to stop, but to reverse. It is admirable that in the face of a comfortable and easy situation like putting your sister in a hospital and flooding her with drugs, you decided on the more complicated option, the personal responsibility of offering her your lusional company, your dictatorial decisions and your belief in religion.

These circumstances have given you a maturity that although your physical difference is three years, on a maturity level it is perhaps 10 years. That maturity is what your sister is looking for in you. You have also said an essential phrase that sums up your sister's attitude towards you, when you state that your sister wants you to be a part of everything in her life, from the big decisions like the future you can have in your union, to the small everyday decisions like whether that lipstick won't be too flashy. Your sister has already made up her mind, but with these questions she doesn't want to know your answer, she wants to convey her union with you. You should never forget that all these circumstances can be summed up in one word: LOVE. Sincere, pure and intense love.

And in this way we return to the initial point expressed by Odette, it is not the age difference that is important, but the feelings, love is what makes us forget all the inconveniences of hours of dissimulation in front of others, of repressed kisses in public, of hugs disguised as filial love, because we know that in the intimacy of home, the love that we feel, the love that shows us as a couple will make us forget all the inconveniences. Love, from our perspective as younger people, makes us forget the limitations that in time will come to our older partner.

 

You have captured the essence, the effort and the dedication of all Athenea's words and the advice you have given is the most accurate, as well as the vitality and happiness of her sister.

Intense kisses and endless hugs.

 

Very kind of you for your kind words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Intense kisses and endless hugs.

 

Aw, shucks. Thanks! And special thanks for the intense kisses and endless hugs . . . same back at'cha!

I think your and @Athenea's and @Odette's accounts of your own real-life relationships add levels of authenticity and complexity to this discussion. They transcend the idea that all age-gap relationships fit into the same mold, which is far from the truth. Pretty amazing experiences. And relationships.

 

The problem that always exists is generalisation, trying to make a group of people respond to specific characteristics. Each person has characteristics in common with other people, but also has many parts of his or her personality that are unique and set him or her apart from others.

In my opinion, I think the interesting thing about the contributions in this thread is that we have moved beyond sex and into relationships that originate outside the bedroom. If I want to know what Odette does with her father or Athenea with her sister, I don't need to ask questions, there are millions of pictures and videos on the internet that will make it very clear. But these latest contributions have opened the doors to a very personal aspect of our lives, to a much greater intimacy, the intimacy of overcoming obstacles, the intimacy of day-to-day life, the intimacy of all the effort for another person, the intimacy of love between people of the same family.

And that is what is really interesting.

 

When I met her, my girlfriend was 51 while I was 25 years old, so there is a 26 years age difference. Physical attraction and sex were hot from the start. A potent combo is a woman in their 50s and a male in their 20s. You can't stop a younger male with an older woman willing to have sex everywhere and all over the place without second thoughts, especially since she went through menopause. Society and the general public do not accept the age gap between older women and younger males. They do with younger women and older men. Gays couples also have an easier acceptance than older women/ younger males in society.

I did not want kids, and I'm not a conventional person, so for me, I wanted a mature, confident, and I get along better with a generation older than me. So I always found an older woman more attractive. When I met my girlfriend, it was a hit for us, but family acceptance was not, especially since she's four years and four months older than my mother, and being the younger partner, I had to be more mature. Sometimes, in the beginning, I felt she was slightly taking advantage of me since I lacked life experiences, but I was aware of it, and nothing was too serious, but 13 years later. She is 64, and I am 38; we're still active and very attracted to each other. My hands are always on her, always grabbing her ass when no one is looking. So I do see my partner aging, and roles are changing. I'm more the dominant one now, and she's more the submissive one. She has a daughter five years younger than me, and her daughter's boyfriend is the same age as me. My girlfriend is my life partner; you can not change the person you're attracted to and what makes that inner clock tick.

 

As an older gay man I have had a few relationships with a large age difference. Lucky for me there are guys that like old guys like me and if it gives me access to some hard cock, then thats good for me.

 

If both parties are consensual and happy, that should seal the deal provided it's within reasonable limits.

 

I enjoy wonderful sex with my grandparents