INCEST- BOARD

slisse · Joined: 30 Jun 2009 Posts: 1510 Location: Belgium

Laughing is very good for the health, so, one could even say "a joke per day keeps the doctor away Smile

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Buying a Bull...

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd.
The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull.
She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
"It's the only one I've got for $599, take it or leave it."
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says:
"Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word."

She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable." replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

shitforbrains · Moderator Joined: 07 Sep 2007 Posts: 2975

Love it!

JD65 · Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:08 pm Post subject:

Thanks for the laugh slisse, I needed that Cool

jaime · Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1101 Location: England

Oh yes, I loved that, slisse!!

Nice to see you on here. Our paths don't seem to cross on IT. I hang out mostly on the Current Events/Politics sub-forum, but I don't see you there often.

slisse · Joined: 30 Jun 2009 Posts: 1510 Location: Belgium

thank you shitforbrains, JD65 and jaime for your reply

you are right jaime, but I keep far away from there and from flame because of English being only my 4th language and also knowing that some people who come there know only white and black and no grey

slisse · Joined: 30 Jun 2009 Posts: 1510 Location: Belgium

Baby Pictures...

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
"Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one everytime. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh ...equipment ?".
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?...Good Lord, she's fainted !!"

jaime · Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1101 Location: England

That was great, slisse! One of the best jokes I've ever read. Thanks for cheering me up no end!! - and thanks for your earlier reply. If English is your 4th language, what are the other three?

Grizzly-Bear78 · Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:55 pm Post subject:

Merlin33069 · Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 63 Location: Behind you

second one was freaking hilarious.... rest my cannon on a tripod.. LMFAO

shitforbrains · Moderator Joined: 07 Sep 2007 Posts: 2975

JD65 · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:55 pm Post subject:

That was a gut buster slisse...I LOVED it!!!!
Thank you Wink

slisse · Joined: 30 Jun 2009 Posts: 1510 Location: Belgium

thank you jaime, Grizzly-Bear78, Merlin33069, shitforbrains and JD65 for your reply

slisse · Joined: 30 Jun 2009 Posts: 1510 Location: Belgium

Robot Secretary...

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

jaime · Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 1101 Location: England

That had me laughing out loud, slisse!! Thank you again for brightening up my day!!

As for your languages, I guessed all three, but in the wrong order!!

Bobster · Joined: 03 Jul 2009 Posts: 145 Location: Kent, WA

LOL!!!!!

Thank you so much for sharing these slisse.
I was laughing so much that I had tears in my eyes