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A Joke For Today

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jamie jackson, Jan 17, 2015.

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Page 92 of 136
  1. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.
     
    slisse, Mar 24, 2020
    #1821
    Insp Gadget, kool69 and curiousFred like this.
  2. Neophyte

    Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

    388738_68398743_716362768841684_4530963821791019008_n.jpg
     
    Neophyte, Mar 26, 2020
    #1822
    Calist, whitecoffee1, Insp Gadget and 5 others like this.
  3. 59Seeker

    59Seeker Account Deleted

    Ouch. From smug to mug in an instant
     
    59Seeker, Mar 28, 2020
    #1823
    Brutus58 and slisse like this.
  4. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    A Maori Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital , so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside
    'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
    A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
    Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
    Doc; "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
    Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
    Doc; "Chur, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
    The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
    Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
    Doc; "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
    Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
    Doc; "Chuuur. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
    The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
    Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
    Doc; "oh well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
    Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
    Doc; "Chuuuur, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
     
    londonboy49, Mar 29, 2020
    #1824
    Insp Gadget, Brutus58, curiousFred and 6 others like this.
  5. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    785_1000.jpg
     
    slisse, Mar 29, 2020
    #1825
    Insp Gadget, Brutus58, curiousFred and 6 others like this.
  6. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    Why do folks from Tennessee go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? 17 and under are not admitted.
     
    londonboy49, Mar 29, 2020
    #1826
    Insp Gadget, Brutus58, curiousFred and 3 others like this.
  7. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    Q. How did the redneck die from drinking milk? A. The cow fell on him!
     
    londonboy49, Mar 29, 2020
    #1827
    Insp Gadget, Brutus58, slisse and 2 others like this.
  8. Curmudgeon

    Curmudgeon Moderator Staff Member

    170f.jpg
     
    Curmudgeon, Mar 29, 2020
    #1828
    Insp Gadget, Brutus58, curiousFred and 4 others like this.
  9. whitecoffee1

    whitecoffee1 Moderator Staff Member

    A blind man walks into a bar

    ... and a table ... and chair.

    ----------

    C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors in here."

    ----------

    I've decided to sell the vacuum.

    It's just collecting dust.

    -----------

    Relationships are a lot like algebra.

    You always look at your X and try to figure out Y.
     
    whitecoffee1, Mar 29, 2020
    #1829
    Insp Gadget, slisse and oldman681 like this.
  10. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    631_1000.jpg
     
    slisse, Mar 31, 2020
    #1830
    aman6, Insp Gadget, Brutus58 and 6 others like this.
  11. oldman681

    oldman681 Trusted.Member

    oldman681, Mar 31, 2020
    #1831
    slisse likes this.
  12. SecretWishes

    SecretWishes Trusted.Member

    SecretWishes, Mar 31, 2020
    #1832
    slisse likes this.
  13. curiousFred

    curiousFred Trusted.Member

    This bloke went into a chemist/drugstore to buy some condoms, the sales girl asked him
    whether he wanted a bag, naa he said, she isn't that ugly
     
    curiousFred, Apr 1, 2020
    #1833
    Insp Gadget, Brutus58, oldman681 and 4 others like this.
  14. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    like you .... very old but very good :D
     
    londonboy49, Apr 1, 2020
    #1834
    oldman681 and slisse like this.
  15. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    [​IMG]
     
    londonboy49, Apr 5, 2020
    #1835
    whitecoffee1, Insp Gadget, Dane and 3 others like this.
  16. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

    ​
    [​IMG]
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, Apr 8, 2020
    #1836
    londonboy49, slisse, Dane and 3 others like this.
  17. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

    ​
    I once had a girlfriend whose two dogs were called Rolex and Timex.

    When I asked her why she had named them that, she told me it was because they were watch dogs.
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, Apr 13, 2020
    #1837
    Brutus58, whitecoffee1, londonboy49 and 2 others like this.
  18. londonboy49

    londonboy49 Trusted.Member

    :eek:
     
    londonboy49, Apr 13, 2020
    #1838
    oldman681 likes this.
  19. joey

    joey Trusted Member

    lol
     
    joey, Apr 13, 2020
    #1839
  20. Insp Gadget

    Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

    ​
    [​IMG] ​
    ​
     
    Insp Gadget, Apr 13, 2020
    #1840
    whitecoffee1, Dane, SecretWishes and 5 others like this.
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