A Joke For Today

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- The Pastor entered his donkey in a race, and it won.

The local paper read :

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read :

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in the nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN NOW HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS NOW WILD AND FREE.

The bishop left the next day.

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Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

He was outstanding in his field.

 

Kinda like this guy ...

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hahahah right?

 

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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE

80-year old Bessie burst into the recreation room at a retirement home. She held her clenched fist in the air and announced, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouted out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thought for a minute and said, "Close enough."

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SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful !"

"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

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SUPERSEX

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

And as she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and cry out "Supersex !"

Then one day she came up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, and flipping her gown up at him, yelled, "Supersex !"

The old fellow sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

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I went to casualty yesterday and said to the nurse, “I’ve been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?”

She asked, “Whereabouts is it?”

I said, “I don’t know, it could be miles away by now.”

 

A nurse sees a guy wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital so she stops him and asks what’s wrong.

He says, “I’m due to have an operation but I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”

The nurse says, “That’s okay, she was just trying to comfort you. What’s so frightening about that?”

The guy replies, “She was talking to the doctor!”

 

An old nurse is talking to her young colleague and says to her, “My new patient has the weirdest tattoo on his penis. It’s the word SWAN.”

The young nurse is intrigued and so she persuades the old nurse to swap patients with her so she can see the strange tattoo too.

Afterwards, the young nurse reports back to the old one, “You don’t read very well. The tattoo says SASKATOON SASKATCHEWAN.”

 

Sounds about right...

 

Do we have to crack