A Joke For Today

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Poor Walt has been spinning ever since his art-form became Eisnerized.

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So a Roman walks into a bar and sits down with four of his friends.

Then while holding up two fingers, he yells out ...

" Five beers over here, please ! "

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That is on the level of a Stephen Pastis comic! He'd probably had paid you to get that one. (Pearls Before Swine)

 

LOL!!!

 

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A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing something well.

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... A father, son and grandfather went to the country club for their weekly round of golf.​

Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away, and asked the trio whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed. Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, and consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to hit first. All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent over to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green. The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said. The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little." After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the pin. The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly." The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even a soft seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie. Having the honors, she hit first on the second hole, knocked the hell out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away, smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par. She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course ... if any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strathmill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner, and then show him a very good time for the rest of the night."

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb, “Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up, handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme!"

The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"

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Did you hear that the guy who wrote the hokey cokey died ?

The undertakers tried to put him into a coffin...they put the left leg in...and let's just say that's when the fun started !

 

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Did you know that pirates who were sentenced to walk the plank,

were not allowed to bathe beforehand ?

They just wash up on shore later.​

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hahahaha

 

I luv my neighbours (and it's spelled with a 'u' btw) - good strong folks who can take a joke and enjoy a scrap.

And what the fuck was Canada thinking when they went metric ? EH ??

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So this next door close street neighbour of mine is a cop (and apparently the Province pays his rent -beats me why.)

But anyways - he claims to have survived mustard gas in battle, and then some pepper spray from the local thugs .

Now there's a seasoned veteran for ya, eh ?

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That was bad, hehehehe.

 

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Well as things have turned out, at month-end I need to go in for some minor surgery.

I sure hope it's not like last time - it took most of my laundry money !

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Hope it goes well for you. I too, am having surgery on the 26th. Then again about 8 weeks later.

 

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... An elderly family lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.

They were a widow, with her son and a grandchild. And for years, their land had been the subject of a dispute between the United States and Canada.

Then one day, her son came into her room holding a letter. " I just got some news, Mom, " he said.

" The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They have decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think ? ”

" What do I think ? " his mother exclaimed. " Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept - I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters ! ”

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