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A Joke For Today

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jamie jackson, Jan 17, 2015.

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  1. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit.
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1321
    amiraj, Neophyte, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  2. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1322
    amiraj, Neophyte, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  3. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1323
    amiraj, Brutus58 and curiousFred like this.
  4. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1324
    amiraj, Neophyte and Brutus58 like this.
  5. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    IMG-20180501-WA0013.jpg
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1325
    Zarp, amiraj, Brutus58 and 1 other person like this.
  6. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1326
    Neophyte and Brutus58 like this.
  7. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    Feminism is not a fad. It’s not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of Angry Birds. Bad example.
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1327
    Neophyte and Brutus58 like this.
  8. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    This morning on the way to work I wasn't really paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights.

    The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf.

    He said, "I'm not happy."

    I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
     
    Master ozz, May 2, 2018
    #1328
    amiraj, Neophyte, curiousFred and 1 other person like this.
  9. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    The pediatrician played a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.

    One day, while pointing to a little boy his ear, the doctor asked him, "Is this your nose?"

    Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and advised, "Mom, I think we would better find a new doctor!"
    .
     
    slisse, May 3, 2018
    #1329
    Brutus58, Zarp, amiraj and 2 others like this.
  10. eddie21

    eddie21 Trusted.Member

    Paddy asks Mick why is that divers always fall backwards out of the boat, because they would still be in the fucking boat if they fell forwards replies Mick
     
    eddie21, May 3, 2018
    #1330
    curiousFred, Brutus58, Zarp and 4 others like this.
  11. slick willy

    slick willy Trusted.Member

    LOL Thats great
     
    slick willy, May 3, 2018
    #1331
  12. incestfan67

    incestfan67 Trusted.Member

    "Jesus Christ Superstar,burnin' down the road in a Honda car.The cops were there,Jesus Christ didn't care 'cause Jesus Christ Superstar was wearing super sonic under wear!If I die bury me,hang my balls on a cherry tree,if their ripe take a bite,don't blame me if the don't taste right!"
     
    incestfan67, May 4, 2018
    #1332
    Brutus58 likes this.
  13. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    Staring at her naked body, I asked what she wanted.

    She told me to go for something between a smack and a stroke.

    So I went for a smoke.
     
    slisse, May 4, 2018
    #1333
    curiousFred, Brutus58, amiraj and 2 others like this.
  14. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    'Harder!' she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, 'Harder!'

    'Alright,' I said, 'What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?'
    .
     
    slisse, May 5, 2018
    #1334
    Hal, curiousFred, Brutus58 and 2 others like this.
  15. eddie21

    eddie21 Trusted.Member

    My gran went into the hardware shop and said i will have that silver photo frame up there, the guy says certainly madam, would you like a screw for it , gran says no but i will give you a blowjob for that toaster in the window
     
    eddie21, May 5, 2018
    #1335
    Brutus58, Zarp, amiraj and 4 others like this.
  16. TheWheelers

    TheWheelers Account Deleted


    :):):):):)
     
    TheWheelers, May 7, 2018
    #1336
  17. slisse

    slisse Moderator Staff Member

    A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a cop following her.

    Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

    When she looked back again, there were 2 cops following her.

    She shot up to 90 mph.

    The next time she looked around, there were 3 cops following her.

    Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead.

    She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies room.

    Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

    The 3 cops were standing there waiting for her.

    Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I will bet none of you thought I would make it."
    .
     
    slisse, May 7, 2018
    #1337
    curiousFred, Brutus58, Zarp and 3 others like this.
  18. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    hilarious-funny-jokes-i-was-gonna-tell-a-gay-joke-butt-fuck-it.jpg
     
    Master ozz, May 7, 2018
    #1338
    Zarp, curiousFred and Brutus58 like this.
  19. Master ozz

    Master ozz Good,bad,ugly

    c565afd4-39bf-44fc-8c70-0545697263fe.jpg
     
    Master ozz, May 7, 2018
    #1339
    curiousFred, Brutus58, eddie21 and 2 others like this.
  20. eddie21

    eddie21 Trusted.Member

    Did you hear about the blind prostitute, you gotta hand it to her
     
    eddie21, May 8, 2018
    #1340
    amiraj, curiousFred, Neophyte and 2 others like this.
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