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A Joke For Today

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jamie jackson, Jan 17, 2015.

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Page 29 of 136

whenindoubtwhipitout Trusted.Member

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

whenindoubtwhipitout, Apr 19, 2016

#561

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 2 others like this.
Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

A mother walks into her daughter’s room with a condom in her hand, "I found this while cleaning your drawers today. Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies, "No, I just lay there."

Neophyte, Apr 19, 2016

#562

villager, Gypsy, kool69 and 2 others like this.
Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Neophyte, Apr 19, 2016

#563

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 2 others like this.
Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

Neophyte, Apr 19, 2016

#564

leon Phillips, Gypsy, kool69 and 1 other person like this.
Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Neophyte, Apr 19, 2016

#565

kool69, Insp Gadget and longing4sis like this.
Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, Apr 20, 2016

#566

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 1 other person like this.
Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

Neophyte, Apr 21, 2016

#567

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 2 others like this.
Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, Apr 22, 2016

#568

villager and kool69 like this.
pplayingpool2 Trusted Member

There once was a girl who wasn't feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty. The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her her boobs would increase by one size. So the girl is walking down the street and someone bumps into her and says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and the woman's boobs went up one size. Then someone accidentally stepped on her foot and said, "I'm sorry," and her boobs got one size bigger. Then she's walking down the street and a man from India bumps into her and says, "Oh my god! A thousand apologies!"

pplayingpool2, Apr 22, 2016

#569

leon Phillips, kool69, amiraj and 2 others like this.
Neophyte Administrator Staff Member

Neophyte, Apr 22, 2016

#570

villager, leon Phillips, Gypsy and 2 others like this.
Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, Apr 25, 2016

#571

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 3 others like this.
rumpelak New Member

I am horny

rumpelak, Apr 25, 2016

#572
Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, Apr 26, 2016

#573

villager, leon Phillips, longing4sis and 1 other person like this.
Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, Apr 28, 2016

#574

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Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, Apr 29, 2016

#575

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Danny green Trusted Member

Hahahah lol

Danny green, May 6, 2016

#576

karel likes this.
nnnd New Member

What's the best part of a blowjob? The ten minutes of silence... lol

nnnd, May 7, 2016

#577

Insp Gadget likes this.
Insp Gadget Trusted.Member

Insp Gadget, May 12, 2016

#578

villager, leon Phillips, londonboy49 and 2 others like this.
Irish_Incest Trusted.Member

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Irish_Incest, May 22, 2016

#579

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 1 other person like this.
Irish_Incest Trusted.Member

Q: Why are pubic hairs so curly?
A: So they don't poke out your eyes.

Irish_Incest, May 22, 2016

#580

villager, leon Phillips, kool69 and 3 others like this.

Page 29 of 136

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